Husband And Wife Are Lifelong Companions

Islam it is not permissible for a muslim woman to marry, a non-muslim so you can't marry a christian man, you can't marry a jewish man, you can't marry a man who doesn't believe in god. at all he has to be a muslim and there's no negotiation on that i'm hoping most of you are clear on that rule, so we're gonna take that as a given.

So, i'm gonna list everything else with the mindset that this man is already a muslim so on top of him being a muslim one of the other things that you may find when you find that right person for you is that that person desire for you is also reciprocated by attraction you what i mean by that is that the man is chasing you and you are also interested in him.

I say that because, i have found sadly some sisters that i coach are really struggling in very early on in their marriages simply because they don't find their husbands attractive. and it seems like a very futile things and yes sometimes in marriage attraction can develop later on but there needs to be at least a little bit of it to begin the marriage. 

I don't expect you to go into marriage with a man that you're head over heels in love with because chances are if you do this according to the Quran and Sunnah you're not going to have that much time to have already developed this insane love for this man.

So it's not that you'regoing to be so much in love with this man. but there's going to be a level of attraction and it's going to make it easier for you in your marriage. when you are attracted to your husband is gonna make it easy for you to fulfill your husband's rights over you so one of the husband's rights over his wife is that, when he wants physical intimacy and she's able to do it that she responds well to that and sometimes.

 

When you're un-attracted to your own husband.how do you think you're going to be able to fulfill that need sometimes it just doesn't happen so attraction may not always be physical this can also involve emotional as well as psychological attraction just make sure that there is something there that is also drawing you to this man.

So what i want you guys to avoid sisters is a situation whereby the man is the only one chasing you. and you're kind of like well you know kind of getting old and you know it does have money.

 

And i guess i'll just settle i guess the feelings will come later on yeah you know it might no he needs to be pursuing you and you also need to be responding well to his pursuit of you so once both attraction is there that may be one of the first few signs that you have found the one.

Istihara the second sign that you may have found the one is that there is positive response to your istihara. i talk about istihara a lot guys because it has saved my life in terms of me making a choice about who to marry.

I also knew that i didn't know what was ahead of me. and i couldn't tell everything about a man it doesn't matter how smart you are, or how intelligent you are, or how many questions you ask someone, or how much you try to get to know someone, there are certain aspects of a man that you will never know that only Allah knows so we cannot only rely on our own intellect in terms of making a decision. 

Which is why we pray istihara and i strongly advise for every woman muslim woman that comes across a man who is interested in marrying her or maybe she's interested in marrying him that she begins making istihara. 

 

If you only ask allah once versus you ask him every day to help and support you making a decision chances are that you are going to have a higher chance of your dua being accepted. if you're consistent with that dua so you should try to make istihara at least minimum. 

I would say once a week during that talking phase with with the man and then see where allah guides you so the sign that you may have found the one is that there is a positive response to your istihara what does that look like it looks like allah making the path nd the way easy for you my example with the guys that marriage just didn't work out with was that whenever i made istihara i just found that there was just so many things blocking the way and this is not to say that you're going to make it to her and everything's going to be perfect all the way along. 

But you're going to notice that, there's a difference in how easy things are for you. you make a sahara you meet the family.

 

The family's in agreement your family is in agreement your heart is happy. and content with it both of you things. things are just generally going right you might have a few arguments here. and there and you know little bickers or whatever that's fine but for the most part like the bigger larger issues don't exist and everything is going smoothly that is a sign that this is your husband., 

So, if you're happy to pursue it continue pursuing it continue making istihara and the more you see that the way is being opened for you and nothing is blocking your path of marriage then that could be a sign that this man is your husband the. 

Next sign Core Values that you may have met your husband is that he meets your core values so, you and i have well we should have the things that are most important to us the things that we're you know we know our non-negotiables. when it comes to a man in our life or the man that we will end up being married to so for example again using myself as an example.

One of my non-negotiables is actually something that other sisters can easily tolerate but one of my non-negotiables is that my husband can't smoke. because the smell of cigarette is one of the smells that i hate the most in my life so, i can't imagine even being able to come close to my husband. when he smells like that so i knew that if a man had a habit of smoking it just can't work between us. 

Because i just simply can't live with you you know because, i have a very sensitive nose so what is important to you may be different to what's important to me but we all have our core values that we're like no this thing has to be there apart from him being a muslim these other characteristics has to be there for for it to work between us so you have to figure out what your core values are and sometimes i feel like a lot of sisters are feel like they're ready for marriage.

. 

But i'll know when i kind of find it. and it's like you know maybe take a second think about it and try to jot down what your core values are you should at least have four to five things that you are like non-negotiables like. It has to be this thing or it won't work out right so when you found the right person you will find that your they meet your core values you know you find that that man will be someone who is aligned with what you are looking for in a man because sometimes the problem with taking someone or accepting someone's proposal.

Who doesn't meet your core values is that you're always going to feel like you settled and initially you might think well you know i can hide it from him. 

He won't be able to tell he will be able to tell because in the marriage in and of itself there's going to be certain things that you do unintentionally that's going to make him feel like i'm not a priority in her life you know i'm not really the type of man that she wants she's just she thinks she's better than me you know she feels like she just settled for me just because she didn't have any other choice and nobody wants to be in a marriage where they feel like that so if a man's core values meets.